If screaming worked, being a parent would come easy, right? We would just yell, “Just do it!” and our kids would follow. child behavior problems would be a rare occurrence. Parenting advice to would come easy – just blow your top. But here’s the hard facts: it never pays off. I’ve told parents, “Look, if yelling at kids produced results, I’d be out of a job. You’d just be able to hollar[snap at your kid and he’d change. Or you would bring your children to my office, I’d scream at him and call him insults for 45 minutes, and then your child would go home and be sweet for a week. Once any adult had kids, parenting advice would be easy to dole out.

When a parent tells me they’re yelling to get their child’s attention, I understand, I’m a father myself and I’ve worked with adults and kids all my life. Let’s face it, it can be hard being a mother, and it can be hard being a child. I believe adults end up screaming at their kids because they’ve simply depleted other ways to solve the problem. Instead, they rely on power to get the job done. And it works, so long as the other person is willing to accept this from you. However, understand that when your kid realize they can scream back, your screaming will accomplish nothing. And make no mistake, yelling skills are harder for kids to get rid of than they are to learn.

In my experience, no parent should get into a screaming match with their child; it gives kids too much power. It also does not help you with the problem at hand, whether it’s getting your child to take out the trash, stop playing video games, or to come home on time. The other danger is that yelling turns you into your child’s emotional equal. When you’re out of control, they know it and for the time you’re in that fight with them, your power is diminished.

The 3 Things Your Child Learns from Shouting:

• Your child learns quickly that displaying power is the most effective way to accomplish things. More precisely, he learns that overpowering others is the most effective to get things done.
• Your child learns the tricks to shut you out. Mentally and emotionally, he quickly learns how to stop listening when the yelling starts.
• Your child picks up the idea that mom and dad can lose control, and that by saying the right words, they can get you upset Make no bones about it, once you’ve started using screaming as a tool, you’ve handed over everything he needs to know about pushing your buttons.

These are the reasons why the old school parenting advice of just yelling doesn’t work. Teaching your kids the opposite of what you want them to do is not the answer. Reducing your power down to a child’s level doesn’t work either. Screaming orders in order to get things done is not how to get your children to listen and follow.